Taking the time

I woke this morning with a sense of "Oh, here we go again." Our life in this past month has been at an accelerated pace. I get easily sucked in to the mom thing of being exhausted by the "thinking" part of the job. So many details to coordinate and needs to think through. So, I sat down with my Father and I heard the word, "Foreboding"....ugh....I wasn't sure I even knew what that was referring to. Dread...yes this is what I felt. I still had unresolved details regarding the next couple days events for the running of our family.

The other day the Lord used the "you will know by the fruit" section of the Eldredge book to speak to me about the heaviness, sadness, hopelessness I was feeling since returning from our family's mission trip. He allowed me to see then and now that this was not from Him. So, okay Lord I recognize this also is not from you, but what am I supposed to do. I don't want to feel this way. I recognize this attack and feel weak to fight. I am tired of fighting Lord. I question Him, "Am I opening something for the enemy to come and get a foothold? I process further... I am angry about my responsibilities... I hate this part of being a Mom. I would love to not have to think of 6 other people's schedule on top of my own...and then to have to work a plan. I am not an air traffic controller I complain. I did not have training in this! So, my husband asked the ? "What would it look like to walk with Jesus in this?" I just love being asked those ?'s when I am angry already and don't have a clue. :} (But in my heart of hearts I am grateful for the challenge.) I honestly have no answer to the ?. But, that was a beginning.

So, I took dogs and went hiking crying out to the Lord that I need His rescue....I don't know how to do this. I know that I should be walking in peace and joy in the present. I don't want to miss living NOW. I prayed, "Father, I want to be in Your PRESENT and in your PRESCENCE. So, I prayed against this foreboding spirit in Jesus name and asked the Lord to reveal if there is something deeper. Why do I return to this place Father when things are beyond the activity level I like etc....Bring revelation Father. So I waited in His prescence ...I got the image of the Brady Bunch. This was one of my favorite TV shows as a kid. (I know Marsha, Marsha for you 40's ladies) "Yes, Lord. I loved that show. " Then I get a sense that the Lord reminded me of a thought which became something that I took agreement with, attached to my identity..."I will have the same kind of family; one with unity, togetherness, a sense of community, resolving conflict, a purpose bigger than their individual lives.

Now, I believe this desire was birthed by God...it was His gift to me. A desire from Him to be fulfilled by Him. However, this is where it went astray; I took this desire and without knowledge decided or made an "agreement" that "I" would create this for my family. So, in this time of hectic, conflicting schedules that keep togetherness and heart connection from happening I feel pushed in on....resistant....overconcerned about people's expectations and ANGRY because I feel like I can't get this looking like how it "should". So, I "repent"...Father, I didn't realize what I did as a young girl, clinging to my ideal, expectation, that I "should" "would" with my family. Instead Father, I give back to you my desire and ask you to fulfill this desire in light of this season. Father, I ask you to help me manage things that tax me and cause me to feel alone (especially since I don't have Alice the maid) to help. :} Give me the wisdom to know when to reach out and how to come up with the creative situations despite me to disliking this aspect of mothering. Something lifts with the dual aspect of praying against the enemies attack and for God to bring further revelation and healing. The arrangements still need to be coordinated, but I feel present, lighter, hopeful for change within.

Harder than I thought

Well ladies,
I had this idea that somehow since I asked you all to do this that I should have these amazing stories to share. But truth is - this is hard. I feel like the pace of life has gotten faster since I started this book. But guess what, it is not going to slow down. This week I have had a panicky feeling all week.

Before I sat down to write this, I leafed through the book and saw "You shall know them by their fruit" on page 51. So I reread it. (I just can't read this and get it the first time. I need to keep reading it over and over.) It says: "You shall know them, Jesus said, by their fruit. The principle holds true for anything in life. It is especially helpful in diagnosing what the enemy might be up to. What is the fruit of what you're experiencing? ...Is something stolen."

DuHHHH! Why did I not think of that when I had my panicy feelings during my week. Guess what? My peace has been stolen this week. I am running around like a frantic idiot from one thing to the next. Now that may sound like life in suburbia but if I slow down and think - that is not the life the Lord has for me. Somehow just slowing down is helping.

The next section is "Do it Now" which is what I am going to do and spend time journaling. I hope you all are having a chance to explore all this. I am encouraged just writing this.

Thanks for listening. I would love to hear how you are doing. How is it going? Hard? Easy? You do not have to have an incredible story to share with us. I want to hear how you are doing.

In March, I will be sending out an email to get us all together. Can't wait to see you all face to face and share.

Stepping Out on a Limb

Well, no one else is posting and I'm going to post for a 2nd time! Last week in the bible study I facilitate, one of the women was talking about problems they are having with their middle school son. This woman is a firm Catholic who often when I bring things up in our studies is hearing them for the first time. I was talking about praying then God prompted me to talk about Satan and his plans for us and the role he could have in any of our homes. I spoke to her about praying outloud and condeming Satan, to pray in her son's room, etc. She literally said, "I've never heard of doing something like that before." I was afraid I freaked her out.

Once I got home, I was listening and God told me to offer to come pray through the rooms of her home. I knew that would probably really throw her, but I sent the email anyway. It took her three days to get back to me, but she wants me to come pray with her. I know this will be a totally new experience for her, so please pray for me as I do this with her later this week. Actually, stepping out like this is not something I always do, so this will be new for me too :)

Thanks!

Prayer

Praying.....Through this journey, I'm getting just stopping and praying. I'm on the go most of the day and I'm listening to that prompting to stop and pray for someone else or pray about my own situations that I'm stressing over. One of the first experiences was with my aunt. She had terminal brain cancer. I got a call that she had had a possible life ending event - ended up to be a stroke. She had suffered a lot in 5 months. I was at my desk working where there is always a laundry list of things that never ends, but I STOPPED (the stoping is the huge part for me) and walked around in front of my desk, dropped to my knees and cried my prayer. I'm not one to usually take this posture in prayer, but I poured it out like I normally don't do.

When I was finished, I was so peaceful as I returned to my day. I had peace and confidence that God would answer my prayers. Over the 7 hours that my aunt lived after that, every one of my prayers were answered and I had such a peace.

That was probably the most significant and emotional event, but I've been just stopping (usually when I'm at my desk working) and praying when the Lord prompts me. It's calming and that is HUGE for my type A personality.

Can't wait to hear from the rest of you! Lisa

Seeing if this works...

Just seeing if posting on the blog works! Hope so - this is a fun idea for how to share and learn from each other's experiences.

Lisa

My first attempt at blogging

Well, I did it. I have been wanting to set up this blog for a few weeks and here it finally is. Not sure why it took me so long. Actually, I do. It is because I have never set up a blog before. Wasn't sure what was involved, what technical questions or passwords I was going to have to figure out. So I just passed it off to the next day on my "to-do" list. I notice I have that pattern of avoiding things in general. The stuff I know how to do I get it done and cross it off the list. The rest of the stuff - not so much. I signed up to learn Spanish with a 6 months subscription for Rosetta Stone - 3 weeks have passed and I still haven't started. Spanish is hard for me so I say "I'll do it tomorrow" There is always something that I know how to do that I can do instead. See a pattern. I can also be like that with a difficult conversation with a friend or making a call to someone that I keep thinking about but do not know very well and the list goes on...

Well, I am going to celebrate this blog victory today. I hope you all try or attempt something that maybe you are avoiding. Maybe it is this whole "listening to God" thing that we are trying with this book. I hope that you do not just read "Walking with God" and say "that was a great book." We read great books all the time. My prayer is that you will act and do something intentional in your walk with the Lord. Maybe it is asking God a "simple question" and waiting for His response. Maybe it is saying no to the busy stuff of life and slowing down with Him. Maybe it is taking time to reflect and journal. Let's try something new this week and if you feel comfortable share a story with the rest of us on this blog or share it in conversation with whoever is doing life with you today. I would love to hear from you wherever you are at in this journey.
Kristine